“I suspect he’s cheating on me”

Dear Love Doctor,

I am a lady of 29 years who deeply loves a guy. He claims to love me too but he does not express it. He does not call but sends text messages once in a while. I complained but nothing is being done and I strongly believe he has someone else.

I stopped my frequent calling yet he never bothered. He does not give me money or gifts, yet I have never asked him for anything. Now I want to quit the affair because I am not enjoying the relationship at all. Does he really love me? Love Doctor please I need your candid advice.

From,
Praise.

Love Doctor’s Advice:

Dear Praise,

My first question is whether your guy used to show you any affection before (in order to win you) or was he always not affectionate?

If he used to be affectionate and he’s become lazy of late, my first question is have you discussed the issue with him? Does he know that you need more affection? If you haven’t yet discussed the matter, then we can’t assume that he knows anything is the matter! Never assume anything about your partner in a relationship without first seeking clarification from him/her. He may not have someone else as you think.

However, remember, don’t attack, blame, complain or criticize him. Simply state what you need and how much it means to you. In many cases, this solves the problem.

If he doesn’t respond after you make your need for affection clear, then we have to dig deeper to find out why he’s withholding affection from you. Is something not working for him in the relationship? Is something bothering him at work? Is he depressed? Does he feel that you’re not meeting his needs?

Generally when we feel properly fed by our partners, we want to give back to them whatever they want from us. When a partner withholds, it can be a sign that he/she is feeling unfulfilled in the relationship.

Now let’s move to another possibility. Maybe everything is fine for him in the relationship and he’s simply fallen into what some counsellors call the Caveman Courtship routine. The caveman did whatever he needed to win his female. He’d show off, prove his strength and prowess, fight off competitors, etc.

But once he banged her over the head with a club and dragged her back to his cave, the challenge was over! His conquest was won, and he could just sit back and watch the sports channel. In this way, modern day men aren’t very different from cavemen. Therefore, your guy may be taking you for granted because he sees you as a done deal rather than the prize that he needs to keep happy if he wants her to remain in his life.

Reach out to your man. Discuss with him to know why he doesn’t show you affection. If it’s clear that he is playing games, don’t settle for deception, because it wouldn’t be wise wasting your time being with someone who doesn’t love you.

But if it’s clear he loves you, try your best to resolve your problems amicably or see a relationship counselor to help you succeed in your relationship.

Goodluck!

Watch/listen to the song: “If you love me” by Brownstone.

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